News at a Glance

By Liz Claud
Photo Editor

In an age where we get most information off the Internet, it can seem a daunting task to figure out exactly what is going on in the world. Though your home page might do it for you, I too have decided to catalogue the multitude of stories assaulting our collective eyeballs and share what I deem the best of the best in recent news.

1. A new paper in the journal, Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, says that heavy drinkers outlive non-drinkers.

2. David Move reports on a new theory developed by filmmakers E. Raymond Brown and William Arntz in a new documentary called “Ghettophysics.”

Brown and Arntz suggest that there are two archetypes within us: the “pimp” and the “ho,” and that they are present in every human interaction. They do not suggest that one is female and the other male but they are quoted with three great takeaways. The ‘pimp’ represents leaders in society, and pimps are their subsements. They also claim that Obama played the ‘pimp’ role during the elections.

3. Peter Kotz of reports this week that 23 –year-old Kevin Michael Harley was not only caught trying to rob a Shoney’s, but that he also decided that the grease vent on the roof was the easiest access point.

Unfortunately, the vent was not big enough for his body and he remained stuck for six hours before being discovered just before 5 a.m. When the police found him, they discovered that Harley had covered his hands with socks to allegedly avoid leaving fingerprints. He was charged with burglary.

4. In other stuck news, and both reported on California woman Jacquelyn Kotarac’s untimely demise. After an alleged altercation with her ex-boyfriend, William Moodie, involving a shovel outside his home, Kotarac climbed onto Moodie’s rooftop and attempted to shimmy down his chimney. It didn’t work. She is not in fact Santa Claus nor does she have magical powers. Moodie fled, presumably before Kotarac found a ladder and her body was instead discovered by Moodie’s fish feeder who noticed, “a stench and fluids.” Moodie is quoted as saying, “she had her issues—she had her demons—but I never lost my respect for her.”

5. “Secrets of Your Mind,” an ABC primetime special, showed a guy on there who had narcolepsy with cataplexy, or a disorder in which he became “paralyzed by love,” and which is estimated to affect at least 50,000 Americans.

His name is Matt Frerking and anytime he sees his wife, thinks of her, or remembers his wedding, he passes out. He is a 39-year-old Portland Oregon man who deeply loves his wife, Trish, and his step grandchildren, but that love triggers paralysis. He and his wife can’t sleep together because a gentle touch during the night makes him collapse.

6. reports that DEA officer Michael Sanders is looking for nine ebonics translators in Atlanta, Washington D.C., New Orleans and Miami to help interpret wiretapped conversations involving targets of drug investigations. Says Sanders, “You need someone to say, ‘I know what they mean when they say ‘ballin.’”

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