By Amanda Whitaker
Elm Staff Writer
Michael Scott. We know him as a fan of song parodies, restaurant franchises, YouTube, double entendres, “Entourage,” and magic. With acting experience as the child star of “Fundle Bundle,” his improvisational skills place him among the best comedians in the world. He has braved burning his own foot (on a George Foreman grill), a stint in prison (where the Dementors would suck the soul out of your body—and it hurt), and numerous conversations with Human Resources Manager Toby Flenderson. An office hero amongst his employees, he saved the life of fellow coworker Meredith Palmer (after hitting her with his car), asking for almost nothing in return.
But fans will soon have to find a way to live without the weekly antics of the “World’s Best Boss.” Steve Carell, who portrays character Michael Scott on “The Office,” has confirmed that he will leave the show when his contract expires after the current 2010-2011 season. Rumors have mentioned everyone from Rhys Darby of “Flight of the Concords” to actor Harvey Keitel as possible replacements, but why look for actors to replace Michael Scott?
Let’s bring in a character from another show to fill that inevitable void in our hearts:
* Jack Donaghy (Alec Baldwin), from “30 Rock”
It would definitely be a backward step for the Vice President of East Coast Television and Microwave Oven Programming for General Electric, but Donaghy would be able to spend more time with his unborn daughter. His love for and skill in capitalist business would definitely place Dunder Mifflin back on the map in paper sales. However, the small office space with no personal bathroom or mini-bar would prove to be a deal breaker, ladies. Donaghy would never admit it, but he would also miss backhandedly complimenting Liz Lemon (Tina Fey), his reluctant confidante (and emergency contact).
* Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch), from “Glee”
The ruthless William McKinley High School Cheerleader Coach Sue Sylvester would be nothing but horror to the competition in the paper business, instilling fear in all companies by channeling her idol, Madonna. She wouldn’t miss the constant nagging from Principal Figgins. She also wouldn’t miss the constant smell of cookies wafting from the ovens of the little elves that live in Glee Club Director Will Schuester’s (Matthew Morrison) hair.
She would, however, miss her Cheerios, and couldn’t stand to see the sport of cheerleading fail without her.
* Phil Dunphy (Ty Burrell), from “Modern Family”
Probably the most similar to Michael Scott in personality, Dunphy would make the ultimate “cool boss.” Realtor extraordinaire (he claims to be able to “sell a fur coat to an Eskimo”), Dunphy would most likely make good use of his ninja-like skills to get along with Assistant to the Regional Manager Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson).
But the long work days would eventually take a toll on his “peerenting” skills and his strong desire to hang out with his children constantly. He couldn’t afford to cut any time from being cool. After all, that’s his thang.
* Ed Goodson III (William Shatner), from “$#*! My Dad Says”
On second thought, never mind. This character doesn’t even work on his own show.
* Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman), from “Arrested Development”
He became CEO of the Bluth Company after his father was sent to prison for spending company money on “personal expenses,” so Bluth wouldn’t have any confidence issues in filling Michael Scott’s shoes.
But the position would be short-lived.
Despite the fact that it would be nice to get away from his manipulative and materialistic family, Bluth’s “good guy” persona would take over, and he would unwillingly return to the model home to keep his family in check.
* Agent Michael Scarn (Michael Scott), from “Threat Level: Midnight”
Agent Michael Scarn was created by Michael Scott, so credentials are already there and Scarn would have no problem getting hired. Dunder Mifflin could also use a great spy hero to assist in undercover missions to steal clients from other paper companies.
The only problem would be that Scarn usually ends up shooting everybody, which would result in legal messes that Dunder Mifflin simply doesn’t have the budget for.
Clearly, there is no way to replace the irreplaceable. In all seriousness, the only way to solve the issue of Steve Carell’s departure is to end the show.
But, as television history has proven, good shows are often ruined by the network’s attempts to squeeze out every last penny of revenue from the franchise. Until then, I will be enjoying the final days of Michael Scott, savoring every “that’s what she said” to come.