News at a Glance

By Sarah Masker
Elm Staff Writer

1.) Any five-year-old could tell you that Earth orbits the sun. Geocentrism, the idea that the sun is the center of our solar system, is widely accepted as the truth; yet, 32% of Russians polled by the Russian Public Opinion Research Center seem to be living in their own universe, where it’s the sun that revolves around Earth. Furthermore, 29% of Russian citizens believe that humans and dinosaurs were around at the same time. Perhaps Americans will find this next fact the most surprising: these numbers are about the same in the U.S. and Europe.

2.) Kisses…who exactly invented them? Surely it wasn’t Harlequin Enterprises, the company that releases 110 romance novels a month and publishes in 115 countries. Yet, for some reason, the publishing company has filed a seven page application for a patent for the kiss, complete with diagrams and detailed steps. Luckily, there’s no risk of the public being charged per kiss. The company stated, “Should this patent be approved and registered by the U.S. Patent Office, we will immediately make the method freely available to all persons everywhere in the interests of enhancing romantic love and generally making the world a better place.”

3.) What teacher wouldn’t want eyes on the back of his head? NYU photography professor Wafaa Bilal had a webcam surgically implanted in the back of his head, but recently was forced to remove it when his body started to reject the foreign object. The camera was part of a planned yearlong art project, which would take a picture every minute, capturing the images of everything Bilal leaves behind. Bilal is determined and says that once he’s recovered enough, he will try again, this time with a lighter camera. Hey, it’s all in the name of art.

4.) If Rapunzel can foil her attackers with a frying pan, who says 55-year-old Han Besau of Malaysia can’t save her husband from a tiger by clobbering it with a kitchen ladle? The husband, Tambun Gediu, was hunting squirrels in the jungle near his home when the tiger pounced from the bushes. “I was trailing a squirrel and crouched to shoot it with my blowpipe when I saw the tiger. That’s when I realized that I was being trailed.” Tambun tried to escape by climbing a tree, only to be dragged down. If his wife hadn’t arrived to save the day, he undoubtedly would have been clawed to death.

5.) Puppies always ignore the rules regarding what they can and cannot chew, but the 1 and 2-year-old Cavalier King Charles Spaniels belonging to an anonymous 72-year-old man in San Diego have done quite a bit more than simply ruining the coffee table. The man, who suffers from neuropathy, woke one morning to find some of his toes missing. When police responded to the 911 call, they found blood on one of the dog’s faces, as well a large amount of blood nearby. Although the victim wanted to keep the dogs, they have been taken away for a ten day quarantine.

6.) Does the term “footlong” describe Subway sandwiches, or can it be applied to any twelve inch sub? Casey’s General Stores, which has 1,600 stores in the Midwest, is suing Subway to fight the chain’s claim of exclusive rights to the non-hyphenated term “footlong.” Casey’s is asking for unspecified damages and a trial by jury, claiming that “footlong” is a generic term that does not violate any trademark owned by Subway. Subway, with 34,000 outlets in 93 countries, has yet to file a response to Casey’s petition. At this time, a court date has not been set.

7.) The gooey orange mess of chemicals that passes for nacho cheese is more dangerous than you know. In the second lawsuit filed this week against Walt Disney Parks and Resorts, the parents of a four-year-old boy claim the child suffered “permanent scarring, pain and suffering” when scalding hot nacho cheese splashed on his face during dinner last March. Disney commented, “It’s unfortunate when any child gets injured. We just received notice of the lawsuit and we are currently reviewing it.”

8.) It’s an app most college students would love: do something naughty and absolve your sin through Confession: A Roman Catholic App from Apple. You’ll be lead through an “Examination of Conscience,” which helps you figure out what your real sins are. It even makes inventive and age appropriate suggestions in case you just can’t remember what exactly you did wrong. The Pope, however, would like to remind society that this is not a substitute for traditional confession. Only a true priest can grant absolution.

9.) Waterfalls are famous for their incredible force, and two college students from Florida experienced for themselves the true power of nature in Ellison’s Cave, Georgia, the 12th deepest cave in the US. When the two men rappelled 100 feet down a waterfall, they became stuck beneath the falls; rescuers were unable to rescue the men before their bodies succumbed to hypothermia, 8 hours after their initial descent.

10.) Boys are icky—at young ages, girls realize that this is the unpleasant truth, and now there’s a scientific study to back it up. New research has confirmed that bachelor pads are among the dirtiest residences around; after testing for germs on four common surfaces, scientists found that bachelor pads contain 15 times more bacteria than the houses of bachelorettes. “Hey babe, wanna come back to my place?” Ew.

Volume LXXXI Issue 15

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