By Sarah Masker
Elm Staff Writer
1.) If choosing between being buried or cremated is too difficult of a decision, there’s always a more exciting option. Two Alabama conservation enforcement officers, Thad Holmes and Clem Parnell, are the founders of Holy Smoke LLC. This new company advertises that it will load cremated human ash into shotgun shells, or rifle and pistol cartridges. Parnell explains that it’s the perfect celebration for anyone who loved the outdoors, and adds, “This isn’t a joke. It’s a job that we take very seriously.” Hey, hunting is serious business. Usatoday.com
2.) Gosh, if only karma worked this well all the time. A new study by the University of Maryland Medical Center says that affairs break more than hearts—they may break penises. Study researcher Dr. Andrew Kramer says that sex outside of marriage, or sex that occurs under out-of-the-norm circumstances, may increase the risk of penile fractures. Researchers believe that this heightened risk is due to the unconventional situations and locations. Kramer cautions, “If you are doing something in a weird position or a weird situation…you do have to be careful of fracturing the penis.” Washington College, remember that. Msnbc.com
3.) Given the current unemployment rate, who can really blame a judge for condemning a businessman for holding a contest titled “Guess the Next Cashier Who Will Be Fired!!!” William Ernst, 57, sent a memo to the employees that worked in his chain of convenience stores, offering prizes to those that correctly predicted which of them would be fired next. The memo stated, “If the name in your envelope has the right answer, you will win $10 CASH.” One cashier, Misty Shelsky, said that Ernst was “the boss from hell,” and adds that several employees quit when they realized the memo wasn’t a joke. Usatoday.com
4.) No one likes divorce, and thanks to a new proposal by Mexico City lawmakers, couples may not have to suffer through the process. Instead of lifetime commitments, the lawmakers are working to create “renewable” marriage contracts that can help unhappy couples avoid the legal hassle of divorce. Leonel Luna, the bill’s co-author, says, “The proposal is, when the two-year period is up, if the relationship is not stable or harmonious, the contract simply ends.” Around half of Mexico City marriages end in divorce, usually within the first two years. Usatoday.com
5.) It isn’t even Halloween yet, and a morgue in Turkey is prepared for any bodies that might come back to life. In Malatya, locals suffer from a fear of being buried alive, so the mortuary has installed alarms and electronic motion detectors within its 36 refrigerators. At the slightest movement, the alarms will sound. The person would then be able to climb out by using an interior door handle. Akif Kayadurmus, head of the municipal funerals service, said, “We also placed a system at the feet of the deceased that opens the refrigerator in case of contact. The resurrections may be rare, but we have taken every possibility into account.” In other words, they’re ready for something Biblical. Msnbc.com
6.) So who are The Next Great Consumers? Infants to 3-year-olds, according to Adweek. The magazine states that by getting their logos in front of babies, marketers “hope to establish brand-name preference before she or he has uttered a word.” It sounds ridiculous, but Marty Brochstein, senior vice president at the International Licensing Industry Merchandisers’ Association, explains, “People like to dress up their kids and show off their kids. For that luxe brand itself…it’s beginning the relationship with the child.” Usatoday.com
7.) Cat lovers will insist that any kitty is adorable, but Frank and Louie might be the exception. This 12-year-old cat has two names simply because he has two faces, making him the longest-living Janus cat and a proud Guinness record holder. Frank and Louie has two mouths, two noses, and two normal eyes with a larger, non-functioning eye between them. His owner, Marty Stevens, says that this eye “was the first eye to open up when he was two days old so I had a little Cyclops for a while.” If there was ever a face only a parent could love, this cat has two. Usatoday.com
8.) We always hear about video games fostering violence in teens, yet this one is entirely new. A 46-year-old father of three, Mark Bradford, has become the epitome of a sore loser. When his “Call of Duty: Black Ops” character was murdered by his 13-year-old Internet competitor, Bradford then went to the boy’s house and grabbed the boy’s throat before his mother could rescue him. Bradford later stated, “I’ve seen him since and apologized. The injuries weren’t bad, but I do regret it.” The boy’s mother said, “If you can’t handle losing to a child then you shouldn’t be playing games.” No one ever said age and maturity are the same thing. Msnbc.com
9.) Apparently being married to the police chief isn’t enough to avoid a parking ticket. For the second time in two years, Paul Caruso, a New Jersey police chief, ordered officers to write his wife a ticket. Paula Caruso double parked outside their son’s elementary school, causing her husband to take action. He then publicly explained his reasoning, saying, “We have a lot of kids in our school district. The streets are not built for that. Everyone wants to drop their kid off and walk them into school.” Usatoday.com
10.) Saying “God bless you” after someone sneezes doesn’t really qualify as disruptive behavior in class, but Steve Cuckovich docked points from his students’ scores when they said “bless you” during a test. He explained that talking of any kind takes time away from class. “The blessing doesn’t make any sense anymore. When you sneezed in the old days, they thought you were dispelling evil spirits out of your body. So they were saying, ‘God bless you,’ for getting rid of evil spirits. But today, what you’re doing doesn’t really make any sense.” Some parents complained that the point deduction was anti-religious, prompting Cuckovich to respond that he will discontinue the practice. Thank God! Msnbc.com