Lifestyles of the Rich, Famous, and the Stupid

By Allison Schoenauer

Elm Staff Writer

I would like to start this article with a simple statement of opinion: I hate Kim Kardashian.- I hate everything she represents, everything she does, everything that comes out of her over-paid mouth  that sounds like dribble and slime dripping into my earholes.

And this recent stunt of hers: getting married and then divorcing a little over seventy days later—it’s insulting that some publicity stunt can get away with being legal while a statistical ten percent of the population can’t be covered under the same insurance plan as their partner because said partner is the same sex as them.  It’s pathetic.  This entire situation is pathetic.

With that said, the rest of this article will be spent defending Kim Kardashian, because while she is still a stupid fame-leech, she is as much a puppet in the sham as the poor guy who convinced her to marry him.

Or did she convince him to marry her?

While Kris Humphries acted dumb about not really knowing who Kim Kardashian was before he married her (which resulted in a rather hilarious scene when he “found out” she had previously been married), there was no way he couldn’t have known that getting on that cash cow (insult not intended, but you can keep it there anyway) wouldn’t have risen his own profile.  Or, maybe they were genuine in their feelings at first—maybe they actually liked each other and made a stupid mistake of running into things far too quickly.  It’s a mistake that everyone makes and once they got married, and Kim realized that this was, in fact, not the man of her dreams and, in fact, is a bit of a jerk, she decided to divorce him.

Actually—she decided to annul the whole affair.  She wanted her mistake officially removed from her record, but she couldn’t. She was convinced to degrade to divorce.  Who convinced her?  Her “people” a term here which means “those looking to make money off of this cash cow (insult may or may not be intended, you decide)” rather than “people who actually care about this girl’s feelings and needs”.  Because it looks like Kim doesn’t have a lot of that kind of people, and even the few who do seem to care about her are also cashing in on her fame and success. Her entire family is on that show, after all, and they don’t get much work outside of it, except for Bruce and the guys her sisters married.

All of these people were depending on her getting married and raising that $17 million, or however much she earned, to pay them.  To get the network paid.  (The dredge that E! Network calls “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”—which is really only good for recovering alcoholics who are looking for a legal and healthy way to get the same effects as being hammered—is the highest rated program on the entire channel.)

So, basically, an entire network was planning their Christmas bonuses around one couple’s stupid decision.  They couldn’t tell her to stop, evaluate your life, look at the way your boyfriend is being a tool to your family, especially the sister that let her feelings and reservations about said boyfriend be known, because if they did they would’ve lost millions.

While the casual viewer can’t know for certain whether the marriage was a sham concocted to make money, a real expression of a couple’s temporary and intense affections for another another, or both, it’s easy to forget that there is a company sitting behind Kim Kardashian and all of her stupidity and they are as guilty as the couple in the center of the storm.

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