By Alyssa Velazquez
Elm Staff Writer
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot…. there went another date.
At least that’s how I felt this Sunday when I was suppose to go out on a date and instead had to stay working on a deadline for a project. We had tried them all–the rock, the paper, the scissors–all different scenarios and plans to contend our schedules and in the end we had lost. Paper: schoolwork, thesis, and in this case a theatrical production, had covered rock. The game plan was compromised; our relationship was forced to take a backseat. As soon as it happened, I knew that this was not the first time, and that it wouldn’t be the last. When had compromising become so easy and at what point does compromising itself compromise not only an individual but also the relationship?
Compromises.
For most, compromises hold a negative connotation. They mean giving up something you want for something that will make others happy or will ensure that a third party’s life is a little easier. A compromise’s best friend is not the person who makes it, but the individual for whom it was made.
When put in a relationship setting, compromising can make or break a couple. So why do it? Why go through the trouble of compromising if it makes you unhappy? Cultivated in a selfish and self-serving material culture, compromising has become a past time; very much like Townball or video rental stores. They are all aspects of society that only a handfull of individuals remember and even fewer actively support or participate in.
It’s easy to say that in relationships compromises have to be made–that in order for a relationship to succeed we must sacrifice aspects of ourselves. Whether it be singular or multiple, these aspects stand in juxtaposition to the relationship and must be eradicated.
Yet aren’t these personality quirks or occupational choices supposed to build a relationship rather than tear it down? Shouldn’t you be loved for you and not the compromised you? How much can one couple compromise and maintain their individuality?
Personally, I like to keep myself busy. I feel an increased sense of purpose in being an integral part of so many projects and organizations. Without them I often find myself in bed or on a couch, asleep, waking up intermittently to eat. Relaxation equals couch potato. So to avoid resembling a lumpy root vegetable I stretch myself very thin, which results in significant amounts of time spent with my obligations rather than with living, breathing human beings. My friends and family for the most part understand my infrequent visits; lackadaisical communications, and impromptu disappearances. I am both a prodigal friend and relative. In this aspect I make compromises all day, everyday, and because I have built these relationships over time, I knew they would withstand frequent MIAs.
At the start of any relationship, we tread lightly. Act, dress, walk, and even talk a certain way that we believe to be the most attractive, alluring, or endearing. We start off compromising and about midway, we not only want to stop, but if given the option, we never want to do it again.
Perhaps my mother was right in that, being in a relationship means compromising and just maybe if we began a relationship with no frills or smoke and mirrors, compromising wouldn’t be such a dreaded concept. We should just simply throw down our best hand rather than worrying over the game or trying to figure out whether our opponent’s selection is going to be rock, paper, or scissors.
By just putting out our hand, we may win. Or we may lose. Paper does cover rock, but you can always do best two out of three.