By Holly Dayin
Cat and Dog Burglar
With the 2011-2012 school year coming to an end I’m sure lots of people are sitting back and reflecting on their year here at WC. Naturally fond memories come to mind. Thoughts of Birthday Ball, Homecoming, the Middle Hall haunted house, various plays, and historic moments during games are, I’m sure, among many things, passing through the students’ minds. Another topic of thought that is most likely surfacing is our roommates.
Sometimes roommates work-out beautifully, and those of us who midway through the year are banging down Carlton Raven’s door for a single envy those kismet pairings. Ever wonder how they work so well? How can two strangers form such a successful bond in such a short amount of time? Fate? Pssh no! As with all relationships they have to devise a plan and form a system. In Middle Hall there dwells a pair of freshman roommates by the name of Liz Onnia and Sam Urai. To the outside eye, they seem completely and utterly joined at the hip.
I got to take a closer look at how they live so well together. They disclosed how they didn’t get along at the start. In fact, they never really got along and still don’t to be honest. They have completely incompatible personalities. They were constantly fighting in the beginning months. What changed, you wonder? Due to the over crowding they realized they were forced to stay together, so they had to make it work.
“When Sam get’s cheeky I spray lemon juice in her eyes,” Liz stated. “I wait until she’s sleeping and then drop scalding hot stones on her back,” Sam confessed. This system of physical punishment came about one night when Val had had enough.
“Every time she mentioned the words organic or hippie, I wanted to strangle her. I promised myself the next time she said organic I was going to slap her,” Liz admitted. And slap her Liz did. After learning their remarkable story, I was curious if other people had similar methods of co-existing.
Through some extensive research I was able to discover that yes, in fact this was becoming something of a phenomenon. All across campus roommates were resorting to solving their problems with one another in a way that was much more direct. Two juniors in Kent (who asked not to be named) take a cue from “Game of Thrones,” breakout the swords and have good old-fashioned duels. A quad in Minta decided that rather than physically hurting each other, they’d break each other emotionally by giving each other one insult a day.
“We do this to keep ourselves humble. The insults are most effective when they’re pulled from an insecurity that’s really personal. Like the fact that Carrie thinks she’ll die alone because her last boyfriend dumped her. She probably will die alone, because she’s more like a trucker who wants to be a lady,” explained freshman Jenny Tull.
Sophomore Moe Lester of Chester has found another tactic to be successful in dealing with his three other roommates. “I like to pit them against each other when they annoy me. I find it much easier to wrestle with their feathers a little instead of just having civil conversations about things,” he explained.
When his roommates are tip-toeing around confronting each other Moe will force them together by means of setting them up. Once, Moe took an item from his roommate, Jacques Strap, and placed it in Ed Ible, his other roommate’s room. Upon the discovery of the missing item, Jacques was forced to not only confront Ed, but to deal with the greater issue they had. Moe has also defaced Bill Lowney, his third roommate’s property in attempts to achieve a similar resolution between Jacques and Bill.
“I threw Bill’s laptop down the staircase and basically told him I witnessed Jacques do it. Needless to say they talked about things,” stated Moe.
If you’re having roommate troubles or are growing anxious for next year’s room assignments to unfold, perhaps there’s something to be learned here. Before you judge, think about how many times you’ve wanted to just punch your roommate in the face, or tell her yes in fact that skirt makes her look fat, or throw her laptop from a moving car. Now think what would have happened if you actually had done it. Note, not everyone can handle this sort of system. Some people are weaker than others, you know what you say to that? Survival of the fittest!
“There used to be three of us,” Sam noted.