By Wanda Fight
Consulting Detective
Whoever said that no one listens to the little guy obviously never came to Washington College. In response to last year’s room draw brawl and to student concerns about overcrowding, this semester will see the very first annual WC Hunger Games take place on the campus green.
“Some of students’ points about the increased number of incoming freshmen causing overcrowding are very valid,” said Director of Residential Life Carlton Raven. “But you get fed up with complaints after a while. So we just thought, they don’t think it’s fair, let’s let them battle it out themselves. They don’t like overcrowding, this will thin out the population a bit.”
“Money is pouring into our Athletic Department now,” said Brain Stuart, WC’s athletics director. “Alumni are excited to sponsor their major.”
Each major will be represented in the games by two tributes. Their goal is to survive; the last one standing will be declared the winner, who will get his or her pick of housing anywhere on campus. The rest of the students in that major will then be invited to choose housing. Losing majors will participate in room draw as always.
All students are invited to watch the contest unfolding live. It will also be televised through closed-circuit TV in Decker Theater and William Smith Hall. Administrators say they are also hoping to set up a live stream through the College’s website so parents can watch from home.
“We want to use this as a bonding experience for the entire College community, something they can all share,” said President Mitchell Reiss. “There is a lot of collaboration between many of our departments to prepare everything for the games.”
The real extent of this collaboration remains to be seen, however, because the event remains a contest.
“Math majors have got this in the bag,” said Professor Fibonacci, head of the mathematics department. “The motto talks about odds being in your favor- we’re math people. Calculating odds is what we do.”
Sophomore history major Rick Roll said, “Our [history major] tributes will surprise you. We’re all quiet, reading a book, then- bam! Crowbar to the face!”
Another professor spoke to The Elm under condition of anonymity for fear of starting a riot in her own department, as she admitted she isn’t supporting them in the games. “I’m sorry, but I’m a realist. I have to bet on the psychology department. Once they get inside other tributes’ heads, they’ve half-won already.”
Tributes themselves seem to be fairly enthusiastic about the coming challenge.
Freshman Shirley Temple, selected as a tribute from the anthropology major, said, “Honestly, I’m a bit nervous. But I do like getting dressed up, so that’s a plus.” Temple was referring to the huge ball the SGA will host to honor the tributes as a kick-off to the games.
“And the skills we use in archaeology class will help with digging traps for other competitors,” she added.
“No rules- just the way I like it,” said John Jacob-Jingleheimer, a freshman biology major tribute. “Ethics kind of get in the way of most of the really cool stuff in science, so hopefully I can perform well and show others in the field that they really don’t need them.”
“It is an honor to be chosen, especially in these inaugural games,” said English major tribute Dani Target, another freshman. “I can actually live out something like the Greek heroes faced. Personally, I’m excited to get my hands on a lance specifically. Those things are deadly.”
Hill Hank, a freshman philosophy major, was more introspective. “We’ll have to see how things turn out. It might not be the best idea to pit students in a battle to the death… Also, for a ‘fair and unbiased’ selection process it sure seems like there are a lot of freshman tributes.”
Immediately after giving this interview, Hank was hauled off to the president’s office, from which he has yet to emerge. The Elm is told he is undergoing extensive, private training to prepare for the games, however.
Hank’s assertions were correct, however; all the tributes are in fact from the freshman class.
“That really doesn’t bother me,” said senior Jess Trout. “I mean, they kind of caused the problem, so why not?”
“It’s just one of those things you expect when you come to college- freshmen really have no say,” said junior Phil Asleepe. “And so as you’ve been here longer you get more privileges, like watching these things instead of participating.”
The games are due to start next week, and in preparation the green has once again been roped off as the course is built.
“We’re going to give them a real challenge,” Stuart said excitedly.
He also urged students to offer their support to their major’s tributes if they spot them around campus.
“It really means a lot to them to know that their fellow students are behind them, and that everyone involved wants the same thing- a good show. And a single in the Western Shore.”