By Someone who is definitely not a swimmer
Seriously, Not A Swimmer
It appears that some mysterious benefactor has decided to donate an undisclosed amount of money to the Casey Swim Center for massive renovations to be done this summer. No one knows who this mysterious benefactor is, but he or she has quite a few stipulations involved.
The first is that the new pool must be ready by the time the swim season starts in September, no matter the cost or hours needed. S/he says specifically, “I don’t care if you need to hire three rounds of workers to work day and night, it has to be completed by then!”
The second stipulation is that no one is allowed to pee in the pool, no matter how much they do not feel like getting out of the water. The excuse “You can’t see it anyway” will no longer work. When asked how the pool could monitor such activities, s/he responded with, “I don’t care. You’re all supposed to be smart, invent something.”
A quite controversial stipulation is that the pool must be called “The Pool of Champions,” which, yes, does take inspiration from the slogan “Breakfast of Champions.” When asked how she felt about these stipulations, head coach of the swim team Kim Lessard, said “Although I have some reservations about the name change, I’m excited about this surprise update on the pool!”
These updates include a huge variety of things that will put the Washington College swim team in the same limelight that Gettysburg and Franklin and Marshall receive. With possible discussions about adding a diving well, “just for kicks” as the benefactor has stated, it seems the pool may even be comparable to Division I schools like UMD.
“Of course, the best part is that because I’m giving this load of money, no one can screw it up by taking the swim team out of the athletic line-up,” the benefactor stated. The center will also have state of the art locker rooms and a large room attached for dryland exercises.
The locker rooms, which will be split into two sections per sex—one for guests and a much nicer one for the home team— will include many new technologies in the ways of suit and towel drying. The benefactor has also added a stipulation about the home team locker rooms.
“Only those members of the WC swim team may use the locker room designated for the home team. No guests, no outside swimmers, nada. I’m thinking of having a special code on the door that only a captain may know… Then there should be an elaborate, secret knock for all other members to get in.”
The benefactor also decided s/he wants better seating. S/he likes the idea of bleachers, but s/he also prefers putting in some sort of box seats with comfy chairs and different temperatures. This may or may not be too difficult depending on the logistics of the new pool structure. Finally, the benefactor wishes for a spa room so that swim team members can have personal masseuses like Ursinus, and sit in a steam room to clean out the chlorine from their pores.
All of this is set to begin sometime in mid-May, right after the term ends.