News at a Glance

By Sarah Masker
Elm Staff Writer

1.) An Oregon farmer, 70-year-old Terry V. Garner, probably didn’t plan on being eaten himself when he went to feed the animals. His family went looking for him after he’d been missing for several hours, only to find his dentures on the ground in the hog enclosure. The hogs, which each weigh about 700 pounds, had eaten nearly the entire body. The Coos County Sheriff’s Office is now investigating how Garner “ended up in a position where the hogs were able to consume him.” Chances are a new horror movie will explain it all in a few years.

2.) It will be interesting to see if crime rates rise now that the only certified member of the police force in Vaughn, N.M., is a dog. Police Chief Ernest “Chris” Armijo stepped down last week after news stories reported he wasn’t permitted to carry a gun because of his criminal background. According to records, the only qualified member of the Vaughn Police Department is a drug-sniffing dog named Nikka. Non-certified officers can’t carry firearms or make arrests; it looks like it’s all up to Nikka to keep the town under control. Good luck, girl.

3.) Congrats to the University of Virginia for being hailed “Playboy’s” Number 1 party school. Yup, that’s right: the nation’s oldest public university is also the top party school in America. The rankings were based on 900 data points across three categories: sex, sports and nightlife. “Playboy” wrote on its website, “The Cavaliers placed an uninspiring 16th in sports but more than made up for it in nightlife and sex, finishing number three and two, respectively. According to our math, two plus three equals one.” UVA spokeswoman Marian Anderfuren said, “We are demanding a recount.” Hey, publicity is publicity.

4.) A crash course in explosives would be a good idea before trying to blow something up. Two German robbers, however, seemed to think they knew what they were doing when they attempted to blow up an ATM; unfortunately, they used more explosives than were necessary and destroyed the entire bank. German police suspect the incident is part of a nationwide series of robberies in which the thieves put an explosive gas mixture into the ATMs and ignite it. No one was hurt in the explosion, including the robbers, who escaped with a low four-figure sum of cash from the destroyed ATM. Watch out, Germany, these people are pros.

5.) Aw, a cuddle club! That sounds sweet. Not really, though. Soineya, a “co-sleeping specialty shop” in Tokyo’s Akihabara district, lets customers sleep with one of its female employees for a price of 3,000 yen, or about $38. Soineya, whose name literally means “sleep together shop” isn’t a brothel, although it does offer a selection of services for an additional cost. Customers can give or receive a foot massage, or be petted on the head, among other things. Maybe getting a pet would be an easier way for some cuddles.

6.) With the “end of the world” approaching—come on folks, get over that already—an eternal clock that would keep time even after the universe ceases to exist has been very intriguing for physicists. No one has figured out how to build one, at least not until now. Researchers have proposed an experimental idea for a 4D “space-time crystal” that would be capable of keeping time forever. The researchers describe their idea in a paper recently published in the journal “Physical Review Letters.” They use phrases like “weak static magnetic field,” “Coulomb repulsion,” and “the persistent rotation of trapped ions produces a temporal order, leading to the formation of a space-time crystal at the lowest quantum energy state.” Basically, it’s not a paper the average English-speaker can read. It seems pretty cool, though.

7.) We’ve all been that kid with his head stuck in the staircase railings. A man in Scotland, however, has become an Internet sensation after getting his head stuck in a public trashcan over the weekend. Emergency services were called in to help with the situation and freed the man 15 minutes later. A local who witnessed the incident said, “He was really screaming and shouting for help – but to be honest, most people just stood around laughing and taking pictures.” So, what was that witness doing the whole time?

8.) Want a faithful companion? Get a coyote. Scientists with Ohio State University took genetic samplings of 236 Chicago-area coyotes over a period of six years, and found no evidence that any coyote was unfaithful to a mate. Co-author Stan Gehrt said, “I was surprised we didn’t find any cheating going on.” Many animals previously believed to be monogamous, like arctic foxes and mountain bluebirds, turned out to be regular old players when studied closely. Not only are the coyotes 100% monogamous, but the male spends just as much time raising the pups as the female does. Now that is a quality relationship.

9.) It wasn’t just another day at work for two of the firemen who responded to a call at 24-year-old Fatima Darby’s Syracuse apartment. The woman allegedly threw a pot of flaming grease at the first two firefighters to make it through the door; luckily it missed, but Darby then went on to punch a fireman. After the flames were extinguished, Darby’s 1-year-old son was taken in police custody and Darby received a mental evaluation at the hospital. She is facing charges of arson, reckless endangerment, obstructing government administration, harassment, and endangering the welfare of a child. That’s what happens when you play with fire.

10.) Vampire squid sound like some really creepy monsters; all they are, actually, are garbage disposals swimming around in the oceans. Vampire squid use long, skinny tendrils called filaments to capture marine detritus in the water, coat it with mucus, and then make it dinner. Their name comes from their dark coloring, red eyes, and cloak-like webbing between their arms. They have little need for breathing and are capable of bioluminescence. Researcher Henk-Jan Hoving said, “It’s the first record of a cephalopod that doesn’t hunt for living prey.” Despite its suggestive name, the vampire squid isn’t that bad.

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