By Kristen Hammond
Staff Columnist
New Year, new you. This saying is usually only used in two situations, after the New Year and after a break up. Breaking up is hard, no matter which side you’re on.
Being broken up with sucks, regardless of if you saw it coming or not. It digs deep into our core and makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us, like we’re broken. We spend however many nights we deem appropriate being wildly upset over the ex, wondering if they’ll ever come back and reminiscing about the good times. But let me stop you right there. What about the bad times? They happened too.
Don’t let yourself get caught up in the nostalgic dreamy haze that is your ex. We then go through the phase of being bitterly angry, where we do all the things we weren’t allowed to, break the CDs they gave us and give away their clothes to charity. We churn through all of the horrible things they did with our friends until we get to the phase of being “so totally over them” which usually coincides with questionable activities with a stranger to prove just how over them we are. Tip: this means you’re not over them.
Also, don’t lead somebody on as a rebound just so you can feel good about yourself. Somewhere down the line, you will actually be okay. One day, you will realize that you are over them. In my experience, it’s not some big epiphany. You are just doing something as you normally do it and you realize “oh, I haven’t thought about so-and-so for a while. Their name doesn’t affect me anymore.”
In the meantime, I promise you, it gets better. You can live without them. Don’t feel bad if you give in and send one regretful text to the ex, or if you eat a little too much ice cream after you see them at a party. Bad days happen. But let them be just that, bad days.
But you know what else sucks? Being the one to break up with someone. It is not easy or fun. You feel like the bad guy and in most cases really brunt the blame. You know you are inflicting pain upon someone else and you have to deal with that. And no one ever thinks that you could be hurting too. The assumption is always negative and never that this is for the better. But you know what? Sometimes it is. There is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. A break up now is better than a blow out down the line.
If you are the one doing the dumping, be honest about the reason. It’s bad enough getting broken up with the common cliché of “it’s not you, it’s me” or “I’m really busy and need to focus on my work. I just don’t have time.” If it’s true, than by all means say it, but if you just want to be single or there is someone else, let them know. Nothing is worse than hearing one of those clichés and then seeing an ex with a new boo a week later. Talk about heart breaking (and feeling like an idiot).
But there is one great thing about breaking up and it is that you are now given the opportunity to focus only on yourself, to do whatever you want to do. There is no one to cater to, to check in with, to steal your French fries. I strongly suggest taking the new found freedom to do things you were never able to do.
Do some soul searching, figure out who you really are, what you like and don’t like, and want what by yourself and watch the world in solitude. Reconnect with your friends and remember how much you loved these people and the fun you had together. Constantly thinking of what was will only bring you down, so instead think about all of the possibilities the future holds.