By Mit Tarcin
Confessions Sports Editor
The day has finally arrived. Students at Washington College have long clamored for a football team, and today WAC Confessions is proud to release the information that starting next year football will be added to the athletic program. Starting in the fall, the team will compete in the Centennial Conference and host six home games at Roy Kirby Jr. Stadium, which will be outfitted for the sport.
The decision comes after a secret committee of upper administration and board members discussed the idea. Said a source closely connected to those meetings, “It was not a hard decision at all, of course we should have football, this is America, nobody likes futbol because let’s be real, no matter what you call it, that’s just soccer.”
It is not clear yet how the school will manage to field a team, since a coach has not been named who could recruit a squad.
As of now, says the anonymous source, “The school plans to scrap together a rag tag bunch, sort of like that movie Little Giants? Do you remember that movie? Great movie, had Rick Moranis in it? And “Pretty Boy Floyd,” and “The Icebox” and John Madden came and wrote up that play called “The Annexation of Puerto Rico” and those little giants won, can you imagine if John Madden came to campus! I’m sorry what was the question?”
The most obvious choices for football players already on campus would be out of season lacrosse players, who would have to take on the challenge of double-sporting. Also don’t count out that kid who is always throwing the football around with sunglasses, Croakies, and a pinnie every time the sun comes out. You know that kid: the really fratty one who wears the pastel shorts and has the wavy flow.
The anonymous source approached this kid about playing and stunned by the news of the added varsity football team, the kid said, “Well certainly I’ll be there. You know I got cut from my Freshmen football team in high school. Tried out for quarterback and was good enough for varsity but the coach played favorites so I told him I quit and joined the JV squash team. Can’t wait to toss the old pigskin again.”
With talent like that, the team seems destined for success. The Centennial Conference can bring some tough competition but with the rallying of support that is bound to come, the Shoremen will be seeing football success soon enough. Open tryouts will begin this fall and officially announced after a nation-wide search for a head coach is conducted.