M@rry + Cupp!
W3 <3 D!nos@urs!!!!
Scene Speak
Editor’s Note: Due to the difficulty of reading this letter, we have also published a translation. See to the right.
D3@r 3d!tor,
My fr!3nd @nd ! h@v3 d3b@t3d @ long t!m3 @bout wh3th3r or not w3 should compl@!n @bout th!s, but s!nc3 our @dv!sors @r3 m@k!ng us t@k3 @ l@ngu@g3 cl@ss n3xt y3@r, w3 d3c!d3d !t w@s t!m3x W3 @r3 outr@g3d th@t th!s c@mpus, th@t pr!d3s !ts3lf on b3!ng !nclus!v3 @nd @cc3pt!ng, do3s not off3r D!nos@ur @s @ l@ngu@g3x
English Translation
Dear Editor,
My friend and I have debated a long time about whether or not we should complain about this, but since our advisors are making us take a language class next year, we decided it was time. We are outraged that this campus, that prides itself on being inclusive and accepting, does not offer Dinosaur as a language.
We have been attempting to learn the language of Dinosaur since 7th grade. People don’t seem to realize how complex of a language it is. Like Dinosaur is complex enough just because there were so many species and that means more dialects. So, for the last eight years, we have meticulously studied all the Internet has to offer about the language of these once, majestic beasts. We’ve used a lot of sources, but a lot of them are unreliable, like the “Dinotopia” books, written by James Gurney. It was, like, a really pretty book with like really pretty pictures, but you could tell all his research was faked. So using the only reliable source available, people of the modern age, we turn to the internet. There, in our eight years of study, we have definitively learned one word. And it is one word that we use proudly every day.
Rawr. For those of you who have, like, zero knowledge of Dinosaur, that means “I love you.”
We are writing to complain, obviously, and to make it clear that there is a demand on this campus for this kind of learning. We’re positive one of the professors here can teach this class, because, like, you can’t teach a language unless you’re an expert of all the languages that exist, and that includes Dinosaur. We don’t understand why the staff is so insistent on holding out on us like this. If it’s a question of whether or not there is a demand for this class on campus, we’re here to state there is. In fact, we demand it.
Signed,
Marry Scene
and
Cuppie Cake