By Florence Hillman
Staff Shaman
The English department has finally leaked the biggest change set to take effect this year for Sophie Kerr. The committee, alumni, and department chair have decided to give the final word on who this year’s, and all of the years to come, a new magical voice. The new system of deciding will be our very own Sorting Hat. Not the sorting hat from Hogwarts, he was notably extremely busy and kind of old, but a custom one, made from the same magic.
Adam Sherman, the inventor of the Wigi Board, once a resident of Chestertown, has generously donated his efforts in the crafting of the hat. Part of what went into it was “tears of past losers, the bragging rights of past winners, and a lot of sweat from past senior class contenders,” said Sherman. A few notable differences between our hat and Hogwarts’ is the gender, the color, and the amount of usage it has been created for. Our hat will have much more of a task to undertake than placing people in houses, while both hats will be undoubtably deciding fates.
In a private interview with the hat she had this to say of herself:
“A hundred years or more ago,
When I was newly sewn,
There lived a woman of renown,
Whose name is still well-known:
Sophie Kerr from the Eastern Shore.
Her legacy you will find
This year in Baltimore, hon.
With money lots to spend,
She had a wish, a hope, a dream;
She hatched a daring plan,
To benefit young writers,
Thus Ms. Sophie’s Prize began.
In choosing, professors must prove
True to our Lit House, as a committee
To value different virtues,
In the ones they’ve had to teach.
Still all agreed that what winners
need is “ability
and promise for future fulfillment
in literary endeavor.”
Each May grew high the pile of submissions,
And though English professors smiled
They longed for its completion
As still they struggled to decide
Their favorites from the throng.
How to pick the worthy one
With Sophie dead and gone?
‘Twas Dr. Gillin who found the way,
He whipped me off his head,
The professors put some brains in me
So I could choose instead!
Now slip me snug around your ears,
(It is a noble plan),
I’ll have a look onto your words
And see if you get 50 grand!”