Totally Legit News Stories

By Lady Steele of Sassafras
Reader of Many Things

1) The internet belongs to cats, it’s a solid fact that Wikipedia or any other reliable source can tell you. But now the world officially belongs to felines. You may have always had a feeling that they knew more than you did and were planning something. As with any tyrannical ruler, people either love cats or hate them. The cats of the United States led a fluffy, adorable, yet evil coup on the White House and overthrew the president and United States government. Our new cat overlords were quoted as saying, “The time for real change is meow.” (Cattington Times and News Meow)

2) A lot of crazy things come out of Florida such as Casey Anthony, people who shoot teenagers because they’re scared, people who eat another’s face and now people who eat brains. That’s right the zombie apocalypse has started and it’s started in Florida. The brain devouring creatures started in Disney World and they are now spreading across the state and soon the world of zombie movies have taught us anything. Let’s face it though; you can’t be surprised that it started in Florida, its called God’s waiting room for a reason. (Ouch Post)

3) Dragons really do exist! Well, at least they did exist. A group of archeologist uncovered the skeleton of what at first appeared to be a winged dinosaur but what they soon realized was actually a dragon. “We knew it was a dragon because it’s only been dead for around 600 years and not 65 million,” said lead archeologist Dr. Diggum. Many people are excited by this discovery which proves myth fact. I knew all those old knights were lying about dragons to make them look better! (Westeros Times)

4) I see dead people. Remember that doomsday apocalypse that was supposed to happen back in December 2012? Well according to experts it actually did happen and we all died a horrible death when the earth blew up or the seas rose up or whatever and we never really realized it. We’re all just ghost walking around not realizing that we died. So I guess that means we’re in heaven, or hell… (Man on the Street Corner with the Cardboard Sign and the Funny Smell)

5) Social media and dating websites have really brought couples together who would have never been able to get together without it. The latest craze of dating love, WAC Crushes, has just brought two more unlikely people together. “I just knew he was the one when he mentioned the way I walk into the Cove with my purple backpack,” said the newly in love girl, “That type of observation only means true love. I had to return it and stalk- oops find him in return.” Stalking and posting anonymous posts about someone is so much better than walking up and saying hi. I mean who does that anyway? (The Almighty Social Networking God)

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