By Kaylor Tonyk
WAC Confessions Staff Writer
War on the Shore is cancelled. It was a last resort decision, but in the end Coach The Shirkinator, President P.B. Reese, and Dr. Ryan Batthews agree it’s the only way to avoid “sheer chaos.”
After the WC Shoremen were handed their first defeat of the season, the coaching staff, rather lividly, dismissed the men and told them to prepare for practice in the coming days.
Tuesday night the coaching staff rallied the men in a closed meeting in the Shoremen’s locker room. Dimming the lights low, nobody could make out exactly “who was standing before them,” said one source inside the locker room.
A voice, though nobody said who—began ripping into the men, motivating them with every word.
From outside the room all that could be heard were muffled barks of the yelled speech. Then, seconds later, the door to the room opened and the Shoremen—led by Cennett Bord—marched toward the field for practice.
Queue “Going the Distance,” by Bill Conti.
Since the locker room bash, the Shoremen have been preparing like never before. Their practices have been longer, and more intense.
Fixing their defensive issues and reinitiating their previous hunger for ground balls will surely convert to instant success in the future. Likewise, they looked like machines while working on their clearing game.
Clearly, the voice in the room attacked the men on their turnover numbers—failed clears included.
So what does this have to do with our coveted competition?
President Reiss decided to acclimate himself with the men by sitting in on one of their practices. What he saw was a solid transformation from the 16-9 team he saw last Saturday.
Such a transformation struck fear into the man—because of the implication. “I’m not so much concerned with what our boys will do on the field, but rather what our students will do by the field,” said a source who claims to have heard President Riess say this.
Clearly shaken, President Reese, Coach Shirkinator, and Athletic Director Batthews held an emergency meeting. Much like the pivotal locker room discussion that sharpened the men’s focus, this meeting was closed to the public.
Afterward, a source inside the meeting leaked that the men had come to the conclusion that War on the Shore must be cancelled for fear of school-wide pandemonium. Realizing the real potential to defeat Salisbury—at home—on a Wednesday night—the men decided to save it best to avoid the chaos that would inevitably ensue following a WC victory.
It’s no secret President Reese is brilliant man—he understands the hysteria the win would ignite, so he decided to avoid the chaos.
School officials contacted the Salisbury lacrosse coach, and he, understandingly, accepted the peace offering.
Though the WC student community may be upset school officials helped avoid almost certain mayhem.