By Jackie Torkelson and Nick Pace
Elm Staff Writers
Between looking up sources in the library and hooking up with their suitemate’s best friend’s roomie, Washington College students lead busy lives. Here to help you sort through some of the finer points of your social life are Jackie and Nick, The Elm’s resident relationship gurus. This week, they tackle that age-old question…
On a date, who should pay for dinner?
Jackie says… Dating can be tricky. What can be even trickier is combining dating and finances, yikes. Money is already on that internal “do not discuss” list that everyone compiles in his or her head before going on a first date (or first five). For sure one of the awkward moments during a date can be when money becomes involved, most commonly when the bill arrives for dinner. Then the game of both parties reaching for their wallets and beginning the obviously cumbersome banter of who will actually be footing the bill for the meal that you two just shared. You don’t want it to seem obvious that you expect the other party to be paying, which could come off as rude. On the other hand, you don’t want to seem overly pushy by insisting to pay on the first date; no one wants a totally control freak ruling their love life.
As a rule of thumb and from my own personal experience, I say if your date is persistent on paying for the meal, you should at least insist to pick up the tip.
Last time I checked, women are no longer confined to the realm of the domesticity and tasked with keeping their residence looking like the cover of “Country Living.” There’s obviously nothing wrong with that lifestyle, but it is no longer an obligation for most women, but rather a choice. Most women have disposable income of their own that they earned and can spend how they see fit. I see no problem with women paying for dates and it being an equal relationship. In days gone by, it was common courtesy and an expectation for men to pay for date activities, but that was also in an era when men were the sole breadwinners. In a society where women have made tremendous strides in gaining equality with men, our relationships should reflect that equality. If your partner paid for the lunch date you went on last Thursday, then you should pay for the drinks you grab at the local pub after work this Friday. Every couple is different, just like how every relationship is different, but for me keeping the bills even seems to keep financial (and a variety of other) drama to a minimum.
If money is tight for one or both people in the equation, or you just want to avoid all the possible issues that can ensue when funds are involved, there is a simple solution. Think outside of the box and try some fun activities that are free or nearly free. Having a romantic picnic is always a great choice; all you need is some simple finger food and a cozy spot to set up. Also check out local events taking place in your area. Even here in Chestertown a lot of students don’t take advantage of the variety of free activities the town has to offer, everything from free concerts to town festivals.
Get creative with your sweetheart and try something new if you are looking for a fun date that stays within both of your budgets. Just because money is tight doesn’t mean you can’t have an amazing time with someone you are just getting to know or someone you have been involved with for a long time. Dating should be fun and exciting; never let worries about money ruin a good time bonding with someone you care about.
Nick says… So, you’ve finally asked the girl of your dreams out on a date, and luckily for you, she actually said “yes.” Now, a crucial part of making the necessary preparations is to check your bank account. Upon doing this you realize that you have spectacular sum of…$5. So unless you are planning on taking this girl out for the latest Locos taco at the closest Taco Bell, you probably won’t be paying. As a male you begin to panic, because the respectable thing to do would be to cover the first date, yet, that precious green is your passport to party town. Knowing that backing out at this point would be a cardinal sin, you begin to wonder if not paying would be detrimental to the future of the relationship.
So is it? To be honest, most young men would probably say that covering the cost of the first few dates is extremely important to maintaining the girl’s interest, because frankly, being cheap isn’t the greatest quality. That being said, I’m inclined to believe that whoever forks over the dough is really a moot point. Sure, tradition tells us that paying for dinner is what a “good” man does, but then again, traditions like that could really just be archaic practices that only applied to your grandparents at the local diner in the 1950s. We live in the 21st century, an age where it is just as likely that the girl could have a well-paying job on campus as the guy. If that is the case, then why must the man be the one to sign the check? Is it so unreasonable that each person pay for their own meal? Or better yet, if the girl is rolling in the dough maybe she could pay for the guy’s meal.
It is a more complex situation than one might think at first, but I do believe that there is a way to settle this debate once and for all. I’ve come to the conclusion that whoever initiates the date should be the one who ends up paying for it. If one wants to make the relationship a reality, then he or she must be willing to sacrifice. So sure, maybe you’ll miss the train to shenanigans city, but that might just be worth making the good impression that leads to something awesome.