The Goose and Gander

By Amanda Gabriel and Dan Teano

Elm Staff Writers

There is no easy way to break up with someone, but if the relationship is no longer working, it is bound to happen. Check out what Amanda and Dan have to say about the right and wrong ways to break up with someone.

Amanda says…Relationships can be full of happiness and romantic gestures, but they can just as easily be full of heated arguments and bad memories. Perhaps the most dreaded moment in a relationship is the inevitable break up. Many people, myself included, fear the moment in which they realize a relationship must come to an end, and they sit for hours pondering the best way to handle such a big decision. If you are currently in a similar situation, or you’d like to know what are some of the kinder ways of ending it with a partner, here are a few of the best and worst ways to break up with someone.

One of the best ways to handle this type of situation is to be straightforward because there isn’t really an easy way out.  In my experience, I have told my partner that I didn’t see our relationship heading in the right direction, and that I was thinking about breaking up with him. He suggested that we give it more time to try and work things out. In the end, I still ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. Looking back, I wish I broke up with him when I mentioned it the first time. We tried mending our relationship for months and I realized that through that entire period I wasn’t happy. Yes, it hurts to break up with someone, especially if you’ve been dating them for a long time, but dragging a relationship out is never a good idea. I would have saved a great deal of anxiety and pain if I had ended it when my gut first told me.

On the other hand, one of the worst ways of breaking up with someone is to completely stop talking to them and to avoid them. If you’ve chosen to invest time into someone by asking them out and sharing a part of yourself with them they deserve the respect of being given a reason for your sudden disappearance.

Another harsh way of breaking up with someone is to leave them right after you get something from them, such as sex. If you’re in a committed relationship and the two of you decide to take things to the next level you should both be clear on your intentions. Your partner could just be using you, and in the end, it’s painful to find out that you felt strongly for someone who only felt strongly about one thing.

Next time your relationship becomes less satisfying, try not to worry too much about breaking up. Like I mentioned earlier, a break up is never fun, but it’s better to get it over with than to stress about it for weeks. You will experience heartbreak, but that’s just part of life. Soon you’ll find something or someone else to fill that empty space in your life.   

Dan says… In this world good things and bad things alike expire. Sadly, this includes relationships. Although couples tirelessly strive for “happily ever after,” sometimes the inevitable overcomes their efforts. Relationships are designed to make each partner feel an indescribable joy they would be completely ignorant of if they were single. Unfortunately, this journey towards happiness is plagued with the roadblocks of insecurity and jealousy. As a result, someone is bound to lose interest and consequently break up with his or her almost lover. Since relationships bring absolute happiness, it makes sense that break-ups bring just the opposite: torment, trauma, and tears. That being said, appropriately communicating the want to separate is a very delicate issue. Before breaking your significant other’s heart there are several very important points to consider.

First, at the very instant one starts to feel doubts or apathy, he or she should talk about such things in an open, honest, and direct way. By discussing your doubts and frustrations, you avoid the anger and bitterness that may build up from a lack of communication. Talking about any relationship issues can improve an area that might be a cause of disappointment. Many problems from relationships go unresolved due to a lack of communication. It is also important to consider that no relationship starts out perfectly. Contrary to Hollywood depictions, the “honeymoon phase” lasts only a short while. Eventually, the couple has to learn to accept and love each other’s flaws and actively work on themselves to better the relationship. Even after discussing and personally working out any troubles, if the doubts persist and the frustration becomes more tangible, the need to break up will seem clearer and easier.

If a couple is fully aware that their relationship is tanking, breaking up will not be a sudden, emotional rollercoaster ride. Instead, it will be the next logical step. Too often both guys and girls will unleash their anger all at once, bringing up issues their significant other did not even know existed. By breaking up in an immediate outburst, both parties are left surprised, confused, and traumatized. In this scenario, the victim is totally ignorant that the relationship was upsetting his or her partner. All this time the victim believed the “honeymoon phase” was never-ending. Then, with no warning or sign, the euphoric love comes abruptly crashing down abruptly. In all fairness to the victim, before taking away their most prized possession, consider their emotions. Keep in mind that the way someone breaks up with their partner can influence their views of relationships, love, and life itself. If someone who they devoted their heart to could so quickly remove themselves, would that not make them a less trusting person? Ironically, it is the one who initiated the break up who will be dealt the most pain. Although not immediately felt, the one who initiated the break up becomes anxious about his or her rash decision, staying up all night wondering whether or not he or she made the right choice.

Overall, there are early discussions, then separating does not have to be an emotionally traumatizing event. In fact, it should encourage each other to discover himself/herself before searching for a more fitting better half.

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