Ask the Goose: “Is being overly protective a bad thing?”

By Amanda Gabriel
Elm Staff Writer

“Hey babe, where are you? I haven’t heard from you in over an hour and I’ve tried calling you three times. Just want to make sure you’re okay!”
“Oh you’re going out tonight? I guess that is alright. Tell me who you’re going with, I need to know if I know them.”
“I don’t like it when you wear that for anyone but me. Can you please change?”
“I think it’s getting late, you should go back to your dorm now.”
“I have a problem with you hanging out with that guy from your class. I’m afraid he’s going to take you away from me.”
Do you see anything wrong with these messages? I was not able to at one time, because I fell victim to an unhealthy relationship. Only towards the end of the relationship was I able to see that what my partner was doing to me was not normal.
Controlling another person is never acceptable, regardless of where the emotions originate. Often times jealousy, hatred, and insecurity are all negative traits associated with controlling people, but these traits are easy to overlook when romance is involved. Instead, a controlling partner is given the term protective, a word with a more positive connotation. Being protective is considered to be an admirable trait to look for in a partner because of the way the media projects the ideal relationship. The classic knight in shining armor is supposed to sweep the princess off her feet after braving the ferocious dragon, but the fairytales forget to mention what an overprotective prince looks like.

Are knights protective or overbearing?

Some partners become overwhelmed with the idea of being in control of their significant other, and therefore become overprotective. This individual wants to talk to their partner every hour of the day to make sure they know their partner’s whereabouts.
Overprotective persons want to know who their partners are spending their time with and for how long. Overprotectiveness is not an attractive quality, and should be considered a red flag in relationships. Do not get blinded by the knight in shining armor like I was when those five quotes were texted to me almost on a daily basis by my ex. Getting involved with an overprotective boyfriend or girlfriend is not healthy, so learn to recognize the signs before you are unable to back out. Because once an overprotective knight gets a hold of you, they will not release their control without a fight.
If you find yourself stuck in an abusive relationship, there are several resources you can make use of. For one, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline. All calls are anonymous, so you need not worry about your partner finding out. The hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live free from worry of abuse. Resources and help can be found by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).

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