George Tells All: The Horrors of May Day May Day

By Ammy dudeolph
Morning Oak Staff Writer
May is coming to Washington College, and the infamous May Day celebrations will quickly become all that anyone can talk about. Many faculty and staff do not remember the origins of May Day from yesteryear, but George Washington has seen it all.
Atop his perch on the green, Washington has been under attack by naked undergrads since 1967.
“It was so simple before, just some students eating strawberries and dancing merrily, until that one rapscallion transformed it into the mockery that it is today,” he said.
Washington may have even had problems with this original May Day display, as he stated in his rules of civility, “Run not in the streets, neither go too slowly nor with mouth open go not shaking your arms kick not the earth with feet, go not upon the toes, nor in a dancing fashion.” For someone who does not even condone dancing, it calls into question how he has allowed this practice to continue right before his eyes.
While Washington has never himself participated in May Day, he still comes out to watch the festivities take place. The tradition of dancing is not the only thing to have changed since 1967.
“The fashions have changed so greatly. Women with their glow in the dark markings and men wearing capes of supposed super heroes running amok.”
One trend that has returned is the man bun.

Washington looks on in shock from his perch on the Hodson Green.

Washington said, “In my day it was quite customary to see men donning buns atop their heads, and I am happy to see that so many young men are returning to the tradition. It helps me blend in.”
Washington began to show his age when describing the technological changes to May Day festivities.
He said, “Suddenly now, there are boxes with flashes going off about the complex and screams of ‘selfie.’ What is a selfie?”
The nakedness and merriment are not all that Washington has seen. He has also witnessed to some of the casualties of May Day.
“During the night I see many fallen brethren about the lawn struggling to right themselves and continue on the march. They stumble and bump into one another in a most uncoordinated fashion. The next day looks like the aftermath of a battle as torn remnants of clothing litter the field and serve as place markers for the tragedies that took place,” Washington said.
As a more mature member of the WC community, Washington cannot condone the actions that occur, but understands that it is a tradition that will not die out overnight.
“The youth will continue with this practice as long as they like but they must remember that safety comes first. They need to practice good defense so that they can continue to march another day.”
Washington may never have the urge to celebrate May Day with his charges, but he always stays to watch the jubilation. Though he has been tempted to tear off his peacoat, cummerbund, and culottes, he believes it is unbecoming of a president to do so. In his rules of civility, Washington said, “Wear not your clothes, foul, ripped or dusty but see they be brushed once every day at least and take heed that you approach not to any uncleanness.”
This quote may suggest that Washington was once fine with nudity until experiencing May Day. Washington declined to comment on this. Sad!

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