Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones Teaches at WC

By Big Mouth Clam
Reverse Cowgirl
Washington College was recently rocked by the discovery that musician and founding member of The Rolling Stones Keith Richards has been teaching at WC under the name Richard De Prospo. Professor De Prospo, who now openly identifies himself as Professor Richards, teaches English and American studies and has been at WC since 1975.
“It was kind of a shock to find out,” senior Theodore Pallenberg said. “I mean, I’ve been taking classes with him since my freshman year, and I never suspected anything. Looking at him, you know, he doesn’t look like the kind of guy who’s done all those drugs and stuff, so I guess he looks pretty good for what he’s been through.”
The information was released after former student Angela Hansen, Class of 2011, mailed a 21 page typewritten letter to the school detailing her personal investigation into Professor Richards’s secret identity.
“I knew something was amiss when, during my sophomore year, I noticed he only taught Tuesday through Thursday,” Hansen said. “I wondered what he was doing during his long weekends, and that’s where my research started. I was pretty casual about it at first, until fall of 2010 when he seemed so much more tired in October, right around when his autobiography ‘Life’ came out. I didn’t realize the connection at first, but when he walked into his evening special topics class one day he had some residual eyeliner under his eyes and I just knew.”
After graduating, Hansen dedicated the next six years of her life to finding evidence of Professor Richards’s true identity. She was set back multiple times as a result of being arrested for trespassing on Professor Richards’s properties and a restraining order that bans her from coming within 100 feet of Professor Richards and his family. Despite the roadblocks, Hansen pursued her inquiries and plans on publishing her own memoir, also titled “Life,” about her research.
“We were kind of terrified when we received the letter, in all honesty,” Patti Teague, who discovered the letter, said. “Like, who would use a typewriter in this day and age? We thought it was some kind of weird joke, but then we started to read it, and it was like the whole thing unfolded. When I got to the part about going from the Richards last name to Richard as a first name, I was blown away. Now that I know, I can’t not see it.”
Professor Richards declined to comment for The Morning Oak, but has begun to come to classes without his grey wig, revealing his receding hairline and puffy white hair, and he wears eyeliner more frequently around campus.
“I don’t think class will change all that much,” Pallenberg said. “I mean, the only thing that’s changed is that we know who he is now. But who knows, maybe he’ll get Mick Jagger to be our graduation speaker.” Sad!

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