Real Identity of Gus the Goose Finally Revealed

By Intern one
Morning Oak Staff Writer
If you attend Washington College, you most likely have met our mascot, Gus the Goose. Augustus “Gus” the Goose is the official spokesgoose of WC, and a direct descendant of a goose who befriended George Washington. Gus has frequently been seen around campus at sporting events, theatre performances, Birthday Ball, and new student events.
No student has ever seen the face behind Gus, or even heard his voice. The identity of Gus is a closely guarded secret on campus, no one knows who the mascot is. Recently, one student witnessed Gus changing out of his costume, and volunteered to share this news with The Morning Oak.

Eddy Snow
Edward Snowden has been located, hiding under plain sight this whole time.

According to a sophomore, who requested anonymity, “Gus is fairly high-maintenance in terms of mascots. He has to travel with a sidekick, his personal assistant Nick Sparacino, to help ward off the paparazzi,” the student said.
The fact that Gus needs a personal assistant is a curious trait for a college mascot. Additionally, mascots love attention, but not so much Gus.
“The person behind the goose is. . . Edward Snowden,” the student said.
For those who do not remember his name, Snowden is a former CIA employee and contractor who copied and leaked classified information from the National Security Agency in 2013. His leaks revealed numerous global surveillance programs that are run by the NSA.  Since the leaking of the information, Snowden has been granted asylum in Russia, which could be renewed until 2020.
Evidently, Snowden re-entered the United States and took the mantle of a college mascot to keep a low profile, though the exact dates of his re-entry and ascension are unknown.
In an act of karma, his identity and location has been leaked just like the programs he leaked almost four years ago. Thus far, there is no evidence that Russia had a hand in this or even knows of Snowden’s flight from the country back to the United States.
Since The Morning Oak received this news, Gus has not been seen anywhere on campus, neither in the advancement office  nor on the sports fields. One Chestertown family did report seeing a giant maroon and black goose heading to the waterfront, possibly indicating Snowden’s attempt to flee by ship.
Sparacino said that he “was aware that the person behind the mask was someone on the run, but did not know the exact identity of the man inside the suit.”
“Knowing who is behind the costume definitely explains some of his behavior, specifically that I had to clear the cameras before he would arrive and ensure that no geo-tags would be linked to any photos he was tagged in. I thought it was a bit paranoid,” Sparacino said.
With Gus now MIA, there is no word on who will replace him as mascot. Perhaps it will be White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, who recently dressed as an Easter Bunny on the White House Lawn.
There is no word yet on what action the College will take now that the identity has been leaked. Sad!

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