A case of ROGUE RABBITS was reported on 4/4 at 2 a.m. The incident occurred in Daly Hall on 4/4 at an unknown time. The case was referred to Student Affairs.
A LAWFUL ALCOHOL PURCHASE was reported on 4/4. The incident occurred at 10:31 a.m. The case of beer is open.
A case of NON-MALICIOUS DESTRUCTION OF PROPERTY was reported on 4/4. The incident occurred at 12 p.m. on 4/4 at Goldstein Hall. at 2 p.m. The case was referred to Student Affairs.
7 DING DONG DITCHES were reported on 4/4. The incidents occurred in Dorchester Hall at 10:55 p.m. on 4/4. The cases were referred to Student Affairs.
A case of ALIEN ABDUCTION was reported on 4/4. The incident occurred in a nearby cornfield at an unknown time. The case has been redacted.
A case of ZOMBEE INFESTATION was reported on 4/4. The incident occurred in Smith Hall. The case has been declared irrelevant by the supreme Queen of all things under her benevolent beedom.