ZomBees invade Smith Hall

edited.edited.Bees_BeccaKanaskie5By Case Sorted and Noisy Growl

Blues and Clues Editors

According to all known laws of construction, bees should not infest the walls of a building.

Still, a thunderous drone arose from the sides of William Smith Hall last week as a colony of ZomBees made itself at home.

What are ZomBees, you ask?

According to Shane Brill, expert on all things bee-related,  ZomBees occur when the parasitic fly, Apocephalus borealis, lays its eggs in a regular bee, causing the bee to make poor decisions and possibly self destruct.

“The Will Smith ZomBees are abnormal, though,” Brill said. “They still seem to have autonomy, a will of their own. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s almost eerie.”

Students have reported bees hurling themselves against doorways and windows, rising up through the floorboards and down through the ceilings, and leaving ominous messages such as “RED RUM” on the chalkboards of Will Smith.

“They’ve been, like, legit, giving me nightmares,” freshman Honey Sourcakes said.

To address the fears of students, the bees were sprayed by an elite team of ZomBee exterminators.

“Normally,” Brill said, “We try to preserve all forms of life on this campus. But these bees clearly hate everybody and everything inside of Smith Hall.  We just can’t risk them harming our students.”

Following the attempted extermination of these bees, a strange and unprecedented thing occurred. The bees … survived?

Associate Professor of History Dr. Clayton Black, whose office is in Smith Hall, witnessed the return of these bees.

“Now, sometimes I like to eat my lunch in the attic of Smith. When I was up there the other day, about to open my lunchbox, I heard a strange voice calling to me, saying ‘We have returned.'”

According to Black, this voice was none other than the queen bee, who had come back to life after the attempted extermination and gained a following of other bees. 

“Rather than a simple case of  Apocephalus borealis, it appears we have an entirely new phenomenon on our hands.  These are actual undead bees,” Brill said.

“I’m most impressed by their capacity for language and intelligent thought,” Black said.

Once this discovery was made, the College took all necessary precautions by closing Smith Hall until further notice.

Dirk Wandleman a junior, is the only exception to this rule.  He was stung by one of the ZomBees before Smith could be evacuated, beginning a series of strange behaviors.

“I will stay in in here. Forever,” he said from the cupola of Will Smith. “I am one with the bees now.”

He then dropped a manifesto to the ground, listing the demands of his Queen. Among them was a Netflix subscription to watch “The Walking Dead,” 57 zebra-print Snuggies (for “new initiates,”)and the brains of the student body.

“I think their demands are pretty reasonable,” Sourcakes said. “I just don’t know about the Snuggies, though. Do they even sell those things anymore?”

The Queen of the ZomBees, who overheard Sourcakes’ remark, said, “What absolute insolence.  Nobody has any respect for royalty anymore, or for the undead, for that matter. Soon, all shall obey me.”

“She’s right,” Brill said. “At this point, epidemic is inevitable. All we can do now is brace ourselves for the apocalypse.”

“Personally, I think I’m ready,” Black said.

Since writing the above article, the authors have become persuaded that the one true way is the way of the bee.  William Smith Hall is perfectly safe, and no one should fear to enter it.

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