By Jacob Ben Israel
William McKinley High School’s Gossip Columnist
The world changed for the better (or for the worse) on May 19, 2009, when the very first episode of Ryan Murphy’s teen dramedy “Glee” aired on Fox. Despite the show ending in 2015, the show has had irreparable damning effects on modern society.
Wherever you look, you can unfortunately find references to Glee. It does not matter if the show entails murder, crime, obsession, or vengeance, at some point, someone may break out in song. You must constantly be on your guard.
Many of the current shows on The CW were created because of “Glee.” Take Riverdale for example, which constantly sees the characters of Archie, Betty, Jughead, and Veronica saying cringeworthy lines that could be found on a regular episode of “Glee.” Jughead’s famous monologue about how he “doesn’t fit in, and doesn’t want to fit in” is the Riverdale equivalent of Will Schuester saying, “You’re all minorities. You’re in the glee club.”
“Riverdale” also has its fair share of musical numbers, all because of “Glee.” In one scene in season two, “Dark Betty,” which is Betty’s alter-ego, strips and sings a cover of “Mad World” to be initiated into the Southside Serpents. In nothing more than a black camisole, Betty awkwardly performs the song in front of her mother, boyfriend, and boyfriend’s father. One wonders why this is scene is here in a show where teenagers are solving crimes; this is all because of “Glee.”
“Glee” is privy to ostentatious musical numbers of songs that no one wanted covered in 2009. Its legacy continues in many other teen dramas, where the characters attempt to emulate Rachel Berry’s iconic theatrics and killer vocals.
“Euphoria” also dabbles in the “Glee”-ification of modern media. With a cover of “Holding Out for a Hero” and subtle homophobia that also manages to be allyship, we can once again see the long-lasting effects that Ryan Murphy’s “Glee” has had on society.
Even the “Grey’s Anatomy” musical episode can be traced back to “Glee.” Plus, “The Flash” had a musical episode, and actor Grant Gustin was on Glee. Coincidence? I think not.
“Glee” also sparked society’s interest in musical theater. One could say Schuester and his amazing rapping skills inspired Lin-Manuel Miranda to write and star in the Broadway show “Hamilton.” Then, of course, “Hamilton” encouraged every musical afterwards to feature some sort of rap song. See 2021’s “Cinderella” starring Camilla Cabello, where the town crier raps all of his announcements, wishing he was as cool and talented as the Spanish teacher at William McKinley High School.
Speaking of Schuester, he is easily the most bullied character on the show, thanks to his rapping and poor teaching skills. He is also a war criminal.
“Will Schuester is the reason I am in therapy,” sophomore Kaitlin Dunn said.
Schuester has single-handedly led to the downfall of society. Through his unforgivable covers of such iconic ditties as “Gold Digger” and “The Thong Song,” horrible Spanish, and weird hypersexualization of students (see the Gaga and Katy episode in season five), he has crafted every problem that has plagued modern society.
“I can neither confirm nor deny that I found evidence stating that Will Schuester fought Jack for a spot on the door with Rose, leading to the boy’s untimely death,” junior Becky Johnson said.
The Will Schuester effect has also permeated into actor Matthew Morrison’s life, forever punishing him for bringing such a dangerous character into this world. He is doomed to post cringy memorial photos in the same tone-deaf fashion befitting Will Schuester.
And, in true Schuester fashion, Morrison single-handedly ruined one of the most iconic Christmas stories by bringing “How The Grinch Stole Christmas” to television in December 2020 in a surreal, hip-thrusting, dog-man-containing spectacle of horror.
It is said that Schuester and the 2019 “Cats” movie can also be blamed for the novel COVID-19 virus due to the combined powers of their oddly sensual musical numbers, producing a pandemic which has now affected society for two-and-a-half years.
Thanks, Will Schuester.
Photo by Ansell Adams
Featured Photo Caption: William Schuester ruined my life, canceled my favorite TV show, and spit in my latte.