WC Athletics inducts surfing team to varsity athletics with plans to pull moon closer to Earth to create gnarly waves

By Anita Break
Head Casting Director for The Devil Wears Prada

Washington College Athletics officially announced that men’s and women’s surfing teams will be added to the varsity sports at WC.   Poseidon, God of the Sea, was announced as the incoming head surfing coach. 

Coach Poseidon formerly surfed at Olympus College, where he obtained his bachelor’s degree in hydrology and water management with minors in meteorology and horses. Coach Poseidon also participated in varsity water polo at OC, where he was captain his senior and junior years for both teams.

The teams are set to have their first official season during the 2027-28 academic school year during the fall athletic season. Recruitment for the WC surfing teams began with the help of Coach Poseidon. 

“I think it’s a great idea to bring more surfing culture to the East Coast,” Coach Poseidon said. “And what is a better place than the Chester River with the great Shoremen and Shorewomen?” 

The minor obstacles that WC Athletics will face when creating this team include acquiring proper uniforms, expanding the Hodson Boathouse to fit all water sports, moving the moon closer to the Earth to change the gravitational pull on the Chester River, creating new apparel for the WC Bookstore, and assigning a new athletic trainer to the teams.

The Hodson Boathouse expansion will begin in 2023. An additional room will be added to house the surfing team’s boards, give them a space to clean and wax their boards, and prepare for surfing meets. 

Coach Poseidon’s office will also be found in the new addition of the Hodson Boathouse.

The moon is scheduled to be moved during the year 2026. WC Athletics plans to build a goose-shaped rocket ship that will enter space with the help of the Natural Sciences and Mathematics division of WC. The goose-rocket will flap its wings behind the moon to push it forward toward Chestertown, Md. 

By doing so, the tide in the Chester River will become consistently lower and optimal surfing waves will be created. 

The goose-rocket will then remain in space forever to signify and remind the entire world about the extraordinary task WC undertook to create the teams.

“We might cause a few tsunamis and some ecosystems could potentially be destroyed,” Coach Poseidon said. “But the benefits really outweigh the costs. WC could have the greatest surfers in history.” 

The WC Bookstore plans to reorganize their apparel section to fit the new sport’s clothing and add a swimwear section to encourage students to join WC surfers in enjoying the Chester River as it will have ocean characteristics after 2026. 

WC Athletics is already in contact with Under Armour about creating WC surfing uniforms, warm-ups, sunglasses, and suntan lotion. 

If there are further questions about the WC surfing team, please contact Coach Poseidon at any natural source of water. 

Featured Photo Caption: The first WC students to catch a wave on the Chester River on Feb. 16, 2007. This was the same day that Brittney Spears shaved her head.

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