We as a society must apologize for the FILA Disruptor

Hater Extraordinaire, MD

I am a simple woman. I can appreciate out-there fashion, people developing a flair for the dramatic, really taking their personal style into their own hands without the influence of external opinions.

I do not mock those who make mistakes.

However, there is one mistake I simply cannot find it in myself to forgive.

The FILA Disruptor.

The FILA Disruptor has haunted fashion since its conception. Men, women, and children have been terrorized by its overly large, structed appearance, forced to stomach them under the guise of “the dad shoe trend.”

“The FILA Disruptor killed my family,” sophomore Ashley Kreitz said.

I personally would like to speak to whomever had the audacity to grant this heinous shoe the title of “Shoe of the Year.” Do you not think of the children when you speak such profane lies?

“They are an ugly blemish on our beautiful world. A truly repulsive piece of design. You would be better off barefoot,” NY Magazine’s The Strategist fashion consultant Chris Black said.

Some may argue that the Disruptor has simply aged and no longer reflects the fashion of this time. Some may argue that I simply do not understand the trends. I, however, say that these people are delusional. Poisoned. Blinded by the reprehensible garbage that is this shoe.

I do not claim to be a tell-all figure in fashion — I read Vogue like everyone else. I put my jeans on one leg at a time. But you will never catch me giving any sort of grace to this shoe.

When Steve Buschemi asked, “Do you think that God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he has created?” he was speaking of the FILA Disruptor.

They strike fear in my heart and pain in my eyes, and if I were God, I would stay as far away from those who created these, because they are cruel, maliciously-minded individuals.

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