College is set to replace “inaccessible brick” walkways with slip ‘n’ slides

By Totally Not the ADA Chair

Water Slide Connoisseur

Amidst the recent complaints of lack of accessibility by the student body of Washington College, the administration decided to revamp the brick walkways around the campus.

“We will be tearing up all of the brick walkways and replacing them with slip ‘n’ slides,” former United States President George Washington said.

Washington, who was encased in what many believe to just be a sculpture of him on the Campus Green agrees with the student body in their complaints.

“Personally, I am tired of having to sit outside all day and watch the community struggle to maneuver these walkways,” he said.

The campus squirrels had the idea to remove the brick walkways when one rainy day the bricks had become slick with fallen petals, making many across campus slip and slide on the paths.

“Everyone, including us squirrels were slipping and sliding on the bricks, making the already too complicated pathways more difficult to maneuver,” head of the tree jumping committee and squirrel Peanuts said. “We thought, we were already slipping and sliding, why not just make all the paths slip ‘n’ slides.”

After convening with administration, the squirrels and faculty created a committee to begin the process of planning.

With word getting around to students that the bricks are being replaced, there was excitement from some.

“I am really glad that they are replacing the bricks,” said sophomore and professional brick layer Handy Mandy said. “My roommates had started to collect loose bricks, and they have about 460 now. I feel really embarrassed for whoever did the brick laying.”

Other students, however, were not pleased with the idea of the slip ‘n’ slides.

Junior and Professional Water Park Goer, Michael Phelps was confused regarding this change on campus.

“I just don’t understand how putting in slip ‘n’ slides is going to help people,” he said. “If I wanted to be on a water slide, I would just go to a waterpark. The last place I’d want to be slip ‘n’ sliding is here.”

Some faculty members have also become concerned with this recent project on campus.

Addressing these concerns, Peanut believes that this replacement of bricks is the best solution for the student body’s concern of accessibility.

“If someone is really struggling to get around campus, all they have to do is slide on down the slip ‘n’ slide,” he said. “No need to be worried about maneuvering all about campus, and plus, you will get to your classes in half the time.”

Peanut had no comment when asked about students being drenched in water or the possibility that someone could get hurt using the slides, .

Though the ADA Compliancy Team has not been contacted by the College to get the “all clear” for the start of the project, construction will be starting in the middle of the day when classes get out on Wednesday, April 5.

“I know ADA is such an important and top-of-the-line issue for the College,” Washington said. “That is why they have decided to continue on with this project as quickly as possible with little to no feedback from the community. We have to start quickly.”

Photo by Squirrel

Photo Caption:Squirrels go nom nom on fresh new water slide. Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy yum.

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