Shoremen Curling prove they are beefier than the Green Terror

By The Magic Conch

A True Sportswriter

The Washington College curling team played a series of 16 matches in two days against the McDaniel College Green Terror, where their record through all the games was 10-6. 

The first of the games was an impressive win with the Shoremen posting 89 touchdowns and three bottle flips. With an impressive showing from sophomore Hunter Poacher, who contributed 24 of those touchdowns, the Shoremen were able to end the first game with a boom with a score of 144-12.

Hungrier than before, the Green Terrace came back in the second game with a vengeance. They had several impressive performances with good jumpers from their freshman class and several blocks. Unfortunately, the Shoremen lost 3-1 while giving up two beefcakes.

Tired of monkeying around, the next matchup was a game of chess between the two coaches. After the WC coach, Coach David, opened up with a queen’s gambit, he hit the McDaniel coach with a rock from his slingshot, slaying Coach Goliath of the Green Terror. This unprecedented move allowed for the Shoremen to come away with another win.

The team’s next three matches against McDaniel were blowouts with the Shoremen posting a royal flush, compared to the opposition’s pair of twos. Senior Hugh Mungus saved the day with his queen of diamonds.

“All I needed was some Netflix and chill and next thing you know I was scoring over Goliath’s team,” Mungus said.

The Green Termites then won four games in a row, because they turned all of WC’s team into toddlers for seven hours, which is legal according to “The Book of Curling”, under section 12, subsection C, item four.

Patron god of WC and former president, George Washington, blessed the next seven games by sending Saint Gus the Goose to aid the curling team. The Shoremen beat the Green Turkeys in each of the games by 10-point margins in each game with 17 huge catches of large-mouth basses, each weighing up to 12 pounds each.

According to team sponsor, James Buchanan, large-mouth bass are worth the most points and were a huge contributor to the success of the Shoremen.

The final game was a close loss for the Shoremen, with the Green Tertiaries breaking three of WC’s noses, barely edging out the Shoremen’s singular fibula snapped. These broken body parts are a staple of wrapping up Centennial Conference curling matches.

Shoremen curling has their next set of 54 matches during the week of April 1 against the Gettysburg College Bullets, Swarthmore College Garnets, and Bryn Mawr College Owls.

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