Sosulski leaves WC presidency without warning: claims he will be next Jay-Z

By Hildengard Rodedickenschniedher

XXL Germany Contributor

The Washington College community mourns the loss of its 31st President Dr. Michael J. Sosulski as he transitions from his role in administration to full-time pursuit of a German hip-hop career.

Dr. Sosulski, who now prefers the name “Lil’ Mikey,” chose his new life path after his talk, “Jay Z, Transculturation, and German Hip-Hop” on March 1. The event featured a passionate analysis of his fellow rap aficionado Jay-Z’s music video, “Hard Knock Life,” in the Rose O’Neill Literary House.

Lil’ Mikey was first overwhelmed by his passion for music after taking a gap year from German literature studies to pursue a soloist saxophone career. Since returning, he has internalized an overwhelming desire to leave life at WC behind and fight for a chance at stardom.

According to an email sent out March 26 from administration, Lil’ Mikey has felt for a “long time” that his talents were “wasted” on the Washington College campus. WACappella vehemently rejected him during their audition process this past semester, and all roles he managed to snag in musical productions relegated him to non-speaking roles.

“Even when we told him not to, he would break out into rap anyway,” senior Dylan Snow said. “It’s like some German hip-hop demon takes over his body.”

An anonymous source from the office of the President himself claims that he would often shirk duties to drum a beat, or would stop board meetings to write down a “sick new rhyme.”

It seems only inevitable that Lil’ Mikey would flee his position for an illustrious career in Los Angeles. At his departure speech, he left students with only a three hour solo performance of the “Hamilton” discography to remember him by.

Students sat in the audience, shocked, horrified, and betrayed by the one-man show. Many were frozen in fear – others in judgment.

“He wasn’t even good,” said freshman Hannah Pacholok.

Lil’ Mikey already dropped multiple EPs since leaving the Eastern Shore, including “Chestertown State of Mind,” “Hard Knock Life (Mike’s Version),” and a diss track of the WC Business Office in German.

His music has been performing better than anyone could have expected so far, with a consistent 200 listeners on Spotify – almost one fifth of the Washington College student body.

While The Morning Wood is the only publication that has caught onto Lil’ Mikey, who’s sure to be an overnight sensation, plenty of generous reviews have already graced the campus rumor mill:

“The president dropping out to become a German rapper never would have made it on my bingo card for this year,” The Morning Wood Lifestyle Editor junior Liv Barry wrote in her review. “But I’m glad it happened. Five stars.”

“Sosulski’s flow sucks,” another message on the social media app YikYak said.

“It’s a bit cringe,” said sophomore Morgan Carlson. “I listen to it ironically.”

Lil’ Mikey’s idol, Jay-Z, would clearly disagree. According to The Morning Wood’s insider sources from Hollywood, the two rappers are channeling creative juices to release an album in the near future. Anticipation for the collaboration has been rising among hip-hop circles and in Germany.

Students on-campus are hoping for a potential dedication or shoutout to WC in the album, but it seems unlikely – Lil’ Mikey hasn’t acknowledged Washington College since his departure from the Eastern Shore. Understandable, especially considering the circles he is part of now.

Jay-Z recently broke his social media silence on Twitter, taking to the platform to express his love and admiration for the ex-president of WC.

“Yeah, Mikey Sosulski is an old friend of mine. He’s a lyrical genius and is gonna take Hollywood by storm,” Jay-Z tweeted. “Roll shore!”

Their album is currently projected to release in fall of 2023. Follow Lil’ Mikey on Spotify to potentially get a sneak peak.

Photo courtesy of the local Chestertown paparazzi, Tim

Photo Caption: Tip straight from Hollywood: Jay-Z was originally supposed to perform with Beyoncé, but he pushed her to the side for Lil’ Mikey — trouble in paradise?

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