By Golden Goose
Elm Staff Writer
Breaking news was revealed in Chestertown this week as a highly controversial secret has come out of the woodworks: an underground goose racing and gambling ring. Town members have been left with their feathers ruffled by the shocking development.
It began with a simple neighborly feud. Two townies, Chester Kent and Gordy Washington, began to brawl when they were both claimed their pet geese were the fastest in town. The enemies garnered masses of attention as their threats against one another began.
The geese were set to race on Wednesday, Jan. 3, starting the new year off in a tussle. Local citizen Matt Salsalski reported hearing loud and disruptive honking coming from Fountain Park around 3 a.m.
“That first race was the start of something wild,” Salsalski said. “I’ll never forget that fateful day.”
Salsalski went to Fountain Park to investigate, finding Kent and Washington shouting at their respective geese to “flap those wings faster.”
Odd as it may have been, Salsalski was intrigued. As he had bought eggs from Kent many times, he offered a bet of an undisclosed sum of money favoring Kent’s goose, Gustav.
It did not take long for more people to find out. An estimated 85% of Chestertown residents own pet geese, making the competition high. Resident Anderson Uros discovered the ring early on.
“We were out there every Wednesday night. It started out small with like eight of us involved but it got a little out of hand,” Uros said.
When asked about those involved, Uros was hesitant to reveal any identities.
“I can’t disclose much. I’m no snitch. But I will say that there were some familiar faces to Washington College present,” Uros said.
Every single WC professor and staff member declined to comment, but many sent their concerns about the campus squirrels.
By the time Chestertown police got involved, there were nearly 100 people involved and over 80 geese.
The initial police report about the underground goose racing and gambling ring was filed on Wednesday, March 20. It seemed the crowd at Fountain Park had finally gathered enough attention to warrant a call to the cops.
Chestertown Mayor, Miranda Parrish, was outraged about the incident.
“This has been an absolute disgrace to avian athletics and the sanctity of Chestertown. I am in utter disbelief that this all happened under my nose,” Parrish said.
Parrish has expressed interest in passing local legislation against the use of geese in such illicit activities as they are such a sacred animal to the town. They will likely soon be used for egg enjoyment purposes only.
Since the writing of this article, Chester Kent, Gordy Washington, Matt Salsalski, and Anderson Uros have fled the country to avoid prosecution. The latest update out of Canada is that they are supposedly pursuing larger underground goose racing and gambling rings with their new Canada geese.
This feathered fiasco has brought the town together, yet torn it apart at the same time. No one truly knows if Chestertown will ever be able to recover or if the ring will continue on, more discreetly. One thing is for sure, The Elm will stay in the loop. Look out for further updates as the news progresses.
Photo Caption: Gooseracing has become the newest hit phenomenon among the local gambling Chestertonians
Photo Courtesy of Wikkimedia Commons