By Sophia Lennox
Elm Staff Writer
Over the course of her five years at Washington College, senior Avery Castellani has been known for her outgoing sense of style, which includes her large platform shoes and signature pink and black outfits. However, over the last year, Castellani embarked on a massive transformation to find her most authentic presentation.
According to Castellani, for much of her life she felt like she was “bad at being a girl.” Traditional expressions of femininity did not come naturally, and she felt that she did not express them in the same ways as her peers. To correct her perceived shortcomings, Castellani said that she overcompensated by putting on a front of hyper-femininity.
Although she looks back on this period lovingly, she said that her outfits and personal expression felt more like she was putting on a costume rather than living comfortably in her skin.
Coming to terms with the fact that how she was dressing did not authentically represent her was not easy. At first, she felt like leaning into more masculine clothing would contradict her love of pink.
Overwhelmingly, she loves pink. Not only has she dyed her hair pink for many years, but she also tried to represent the color in some form in every outfit.
“Pink is represented in male femininity but is not represented in female masculinity. This kept me from feeling like I could engage or feel comfortable in masculine style,” Castellani said.
Her perception of masculine femininity originally derived from exploring lesbian fashion niches on social media platforms such as TikTok. While Castellani liked the aesthetic of baggy jeans, Dickie work shirts, button downs, and untucked boxers, she still felt as though replicating those looks would not make her more comfortable.
“I don’t have to look like them to make [their clothing] work for me. I bring the fashion in and balance it, to not feel forced,” Castellani said.
Instead, Castellani searches for the masculine items, but in pink. She curates pieces that make her feel masculine based on her personal conception of the style. For example, she has replaced her Demonia Camel shoes with her “beat up old boots and sneakers from high school” that her grandmother saved.
These old shoes show significant wear, with the leather cracking and peeling off, but for Castellani, it increases her comfort in them. She feels as though the wear and age not only makes her feel more masculine but connects her to the pieces and their stories.
She still loves her Demonias and now uses them as room decor. In doing this, she is still honoring the interests of her past self even if she no longer wears them.
Castellani said that previously, most of her pieces were the interesting staples that she combined to make highly engaging outfits. Through her style reinvention, she has worked on purchasing basics and pieces that can be worn with at least three distinct outfits to ensure versatility.
Now is the perfect time for Castellani to find her footing in her new style, as she is set to graduate this May. She will begin her next chapter in life with a better body-mind connection and plans to continue working on her style as it relates to her authenticity, style, and lesbian identity.
Photo courtesy of Avery Castellani.
Photo Caption: In her everyday style, Castellani tries to balance between her own ideas of masculine and feminine fashion.