By Donkey
Not a Recruiter
Recently many students have gathered in the night on the campus green in green robes to chant to their deity Shrek. The figure from the well-renowned animated children’s movie is an ogre that has made his way into the meme culture of the internet and, apparently, the formation of a religion.
For being such a new club, the cult has been successful in gathering members. Even during interviews, members continually asked if I wanted to join. Sophomore Leo De Luca helped shed some light on how he was recruited.
“One of the recruiters came up to me in this really nice green suit, green body paint [and] papier-mâché ears. It all just seemed very attractive to me… [He even had a] perfume called ‘The Swamp,’” De Luca said.
After some discussion with the recruiter about the onion and layers of the universe, De Luca became a committed member of the cult. He particularly noted that the rituals including his favorite of killing a king frog at the beginning of every month and offering it up on a sacrificial bed of onions. The ritual is a very social experience for him that makes him feel closer to not just Shrek, but also the other members of the cult.
However, it appears that not everyone involved in the cult is in it because they care about the religion and philosophy. Dr. Daniel Kochli, assistant professor of psychology, appears to have ulterior motives for becoming the faculty advisor of the Shrek Cult.
“I was initially a bit surprised to be asked to support the formation of a Shrek cult. However, the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Shrek’s message of radical self-acceptance is more important now than ever. And, between you and me, you can make a lot of money doing this cult thing,” Dr. Kochli said.
Community member and resident of the Chester River, Glumbar the Creature, brought attention to the ways that the college cult’s practices may conflict with some practices of the lifelong members of the existing cult in Chestertown.
“A controversial subject in some circles in the cult, but during my family celebration [of Shrek’s birthday], we actually like to eat blooming onions. I know some people feel like that’s kind of tailgating and a little bit against the ethics of the cult,” Glumbar the Creature said.
If you, yes, you reader of this article would like to get involved in the cult, you can start with engaging with the holy songs including “All Star” by Smash Mouth among others. Incoming members may also benefit from starting to memorize and internalize the tenets of the Shrek Cult.
The newly-formed campus Shrek Cult is holding an interest meeting/initiation ceremony next week on Tuesday at 10 p.m. for new members in the Campus Garden. Green robes and onions will be provided, so don’t worry about bringing your own.
Even if you don’t join the cult, it would be worthwhile looking for campus events leading up to and on May 18 celebrating the “Shrek” movie release.
Photo Caption: Shrek himself may make an appearance at the upcoming “Shrek” look-a-like contest.
Photo by Lady Ella the Small